megan holmberg photography: ALIVE + FREE

"You call me out upon the waters//They great unknown where feet may fail//And there I find you in the mystery//In oceans deep//My faith will stand"

After returning from a week-long camp in Lincoln City, Oregon with one of my churches (Highlands Community Church), my world has been so completely rocked by the amazing love, grace and power of God!

Going into the week, I was hesitant as to what would be coming my way since I hadn't been attending that church for a while..."would I know anyone or be able to re-ignite friendships?"..."would I be able to recognize God's voice should He choose to speak into my life?"..."would I be able to connect with the message?"..."do I even love God; like LOVE love God?"

"What treasure waits within Your scars//This gift of freedom gold can't buy//I bought the world and sold my heart//You traded Heaven to have me again//

My heart beating//My soul breathing//I found my life when I laid it down//Upward falling, Spirit soaring//I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground"

Seriously, all praise be to God that these unspoken prayers were answered before the week had even begun to get into full swing! During the first night of worship, I felt my heart strings being tugged with the plea, "Why not just give all you have up to Me now? Why not now rather than the last night, or months of nights from now? WHY NOT NOW?" As I continued to wrestle with this conviction in the minutes and hours to come, I was reminded that, "Yeah I do love God and I want my heart to be all for Him". Thankfully, God knows me through and through and knows that I needed this reminder to be verbal and from an external source, otherwise my doubt would far outweigh my belief. So began a week that would utterly and completely spark that fire for Jesus in my heart again...

"My life is yours//My hope is in You only//My heart You hold//Cause You made this sinner holy//Holy//Holy//Your glory is so beautiful//I fall onto my knees in awe//And the heartbeat of my life is to worship in Your light//Cause Your glory is so beautiful"

How convenient that the theme of the messages be ALIVE + FREE, as I began on the road to being resurrected with Christ; coming out of the water (vs. being held under during the baptism), as the speaker stated it. You see, when we choose to follow Christ, not only are we choosing to put to death the things of our former life, but to come back out of the grave with Him! He did not die for us to remain dead in our sin and humanity, but instead so that we could take his hand in walking out of the grave. To become ALIVE in Him! Not only are we now alive in Him, but free; free from what we once were because of His blood that covers over our ugliness and sinfulness. Don't get me wrong, it's still there, but BECAUSE OF His blood, BECAUSE OF His death, BECAUSE OF CHRIST, we are now seen as forgiven and set free in God's sight (Doctrine of Imputation anyone? #Dr.Wah). What a beautiful and gracious gift for such a disdainful and selfish people to receive!

"Amazing Grace//How sweet the sound//That saved a wretch like me!//I once was lost//But now am found//Was blind but now I see"

I realize I've forgotten perhaps the most impactful image that was cultivated in my mind throughout the week. If you can bear with me, I will attempt to describe it to you:

Imagine that you, right now are at the foot of the cross, looking up into Christ's face, making eye contact with him and in all His agony, his very expression is pleading for you to just let go, to let him take care of everything that you are holding onto. All of your anger, your pain, your regrets, your temptations, your guilt...ALL of it. That is why he is on that cross after all. Keep holding onto that image...hold his eye contact and let it cut into your being...He is there for YOU, and He wants you so badly to run to Him and to let yourself become free from all of your humanity in his oh so perfect love and sacrifice!!

Now, you are still at the foot of the cross, except you have started to let go. You start to somehow feel joy in the midst of the solemnity of it all. As you begin to let yourself smile, even laugh, you look up to Him and see that he is laughing as well. Rejoicing and relieved that the one whom he loves and is dying for is finally starting to realize why He died on the cross, but most of all, why He ROSE AGAIN! You rest in this moment, with you and Christ together, rejoicing and laughing in the midst of death because of the joy that is to come.

Here's the best part: You have now found yourself resurrected, brought back to life, in Christ. No longer are you at the foot of the cross. Instead you see a figure dressed in white and glowing (yes super cliche) coming toward you, with arms stretched wide. However, it seems that He keeps walking but is not getting closer, so you begin to panic. He keeps walking though, he does not dim, nor does his pace slow.

You finally give into Him. You give in and you are embraced with those very same outstretched arms now wrapped around you in an embrace so deep and unrelenting that you cannot imagine being outside of it! You are SO ALIVE + FREE! You are exactly where He has ever wanted you to be: in his arms, trusting in his love and grace and support, letting go of what you have been questioning and holding onto all this time...

"He is jealous for me//Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree//Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy//When all of sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory//And I realize just how beautiful You are//And how great Your affections are for me//Oh, How He Loves Us//How He Loves Us So!"

Now's for the scary part...Reality. Most of us who have gone to a camp at some point in our lives have experienced that "camp high". When you are so on fire and ready to dive into whatever God has in store for you; which is awesome and SO real when you are experiencing it! However, I have fallen victim far too many times to returning to the reality that comes back after the high wears off. Whether it be 2 days after, a week, a month or 3 months after, the high wears off, and I have to figure out how to do life and maintain that love for God without being able to go to camp everyday. The truth is, the reality that we live in outside of God's love and excitement sucks. Instead of being excited about going to school and sharing what I've found in Christ with those around me, I find myself dreading it and figuring how long I can procrastinate my homework before losing full credit on it. Instead of springing out of bed on a Sunday morning to go to church, I'm resetting my alarm every 5 minutes to get that last little bit of sleep in (and if I miss the service, "Oh Well..I'll catch it online"...which I never do). Instead of practicing grace and patience in my friendships, I'm finding ways of justifying my bratty attitude or why I'm in the right, so to say. Most disappointing though is that instead of taking my shortcomings to God and relying on Him to help me to overcome them, I allow them to stack up in front of me and far above me, blocking me from my freedom in my Savior.

So I guess my challenge is this: Let's find a way to create this "camp high" for each other everyday. Let's band together to make the realities that we have to go back to encouraging and supportive of one another. Let's not be afraid to go to one another in times of vulnerability to seek wisdom and comfort. Let's remind one another of the freedom and grace that comes in God's embrace.